The War Against Portland
By John Dorschner
Unlike many of my fellow progressives, I’m finding a lot to like about Trump’s war against Portland. First of all, it’s not Iraq. Not China. Not Cuba. The Wag the Dog theory of winning presidential elections is you start a war. Now, that theory implied foreign wars. These can be deadly and always in danger of escalation (see World War I, Origins Of.)
To step back a moment: God bless Ronald Reagan. He knew how a little could go a long way. A few months after becoming president, he invaded Grenada, saving the island from the Communist menace. He showed he had cojones at the cost of only 19 U.S. military lives. The Reagan Library had an exhibit much later blaming the loss of those lives on the U.S. media, which leaked news of the invasion before it happened. And oh, by the way, Reagan saved Grenada’s evil Marxist-Leninist from taking over America.
George W., by contrast, felt compelled after 9/11 to invade Iraq in a war that killed more than 200,000 (most of them civilians).
Trump (we must hope) has opted out of the foreign alternative. In choosing Portland, he has yet to lose the life of a single soldier. This morning, he’s doubling down: Sending in another 100 federal soldiers as Attorney General Barr defends the invasion as absolutely necessary. Hannity had a screen roll the other night on how many ways Portland demonstrators are destroying America. Trump talks about responding with a “surge,” adapting the terminology used in U.S. efforts in the Middle East.
What’s marvelous about this, from Trump’s standpoint, is that sending in troops fans the flames: Moms start forming lines of defense. Then grandmothers. Then Naked Athena. The more federal troops, the bigger the anti-Trump response. The vast majority of these protesters are white, but never mind: Fox finds a way to connect them with the Black Lives Matter chaos of other big cities. So Trump keeps getting increased chaos in Portland, which allows him to send in more troops.
Now it’s time for progressives to send in their big guns to confront the troops. I’m talking of course about the stars of Portlandia: Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. Put them in the front lines. Sticking roses into the barrels of the Trumpian guns? Well, I’ll bet their imaginations are much better than mine. They’d be great at improv. Since we are so deep into the absurdity of this historic moment, I look forward to their participation.
